In this past week, I

... made an unnecessary splurge on a black empire-waisted dress from Kelly Felder. I don't know why I bought it. Made a mental note to self to quit being so materialistic.

- Made the discovery that I will never stop wanting to live in Galle amidst araliya trees and the charm that is enveloped around the Fort.

- Sorta pulled off playing a main character in a play about HIV and youth.

- Tripped to Kandy and stayed over in a haunted (?) colonial bungalow with members of the cast.

- Also discovered that currently, the only thing I ever want to have at Coco Veranda is their Coco Caramel. And their lamb burger.

- Decided that my favourite breakfast is string hoppers with kiri hodi and pol sambol.

- Made flip flops my new best friend. Screw the fancyass embellished slippers.

- Remembered that I haven't had a thambili in ages.

- Realized that love for oldies music equals love for old cars.

- Understood that people can look SUPER SCARY with short tshirts and bright green leggings.

- Landed with three bruises. All in one day.

- Came to the understanding that the 'I'm so fly like a G6' song is pretty catchy.

- Didn't understand why that guy on the bus wore white trousers and pointy white shoes. He didn't look like he was going for a funeral.

- Also didn't get why people get into mad shopping frenzies during December.

- Wrote my fiftieth post on this blog. :)

- Decided I'm going to chop off all my hair. To a short short boy cut.

melman

:) there is a pleasure in forgetting the crowd around you and staying put in your own little world.

meeting the rascals in november

double chocolate chip

chocolate chip

choco nut

date and nut

Out of this world cookies!! A true treat on my birthday. :D

cookie monster love.

Walking out of Quintessence of Spun Sugar always makes me realize that whatever I ate was different to any other dessert/baked product I've ever indulged in. Be it a mint cookies and cream cupcake or double coloured chocolate brownie, I find the place terribly unique and a lot of passion put into their food. We walked in the other day for cookies for the cookie review we were doing for the column and found ourselves bowled over! In between munches of this cookie and the other handed over to me either by Shabnam or Nisal, I decided to whip out my trusty camera and photograph a few of them cookies.

Jam Window

Biscotti

Chocolate Heart

Rainbows

discovering solace

• Eating rice and curry on a rainy Sunday afternoon. There's nothing that warm basmati rice, dhal, pol sambol and chicken curry can't cure. Besides, nothing and I mean nothing tastes as great and fulfilling as rice and curry.

• Sitting on the beach at Buba on a Sunday evening. Breathing in the salty air and the soft breeze rippling through your hair whilst watching the sea is quite relaxing.

• Curled up on a chair in boxers and a huge tshirt and watching Nigella Express.

• Ditto for Gossip Girl, Bones and Glee. Friends too.

• Walking by myself on the road while on my way to work in the morning. Allows me plenty of time to just think about anything. I love how the voice inside my head sounds at that time of day.

• Catching a whiff of really great perfume. Something that makes you stop in your tracks and look wildly around for the person wearing it.

• Hugs. Warm. Safe. Breathing in the person's perfume and letting it linger in your memories.

• Sitting on the wall at Galleface Green and watching the sunset with your friends' laughter in the background. Always makes me feel happy.

• Curling up on bed with soft pillows at Nanna's place during cousin sleepovers.

• Plus playing childish games with them cousins like Robin Hood, Boys and Girls and Hora Police.

• The warmth and aroma of Mama's brownies baking in the oven.

• Looking out the window during long car rides to Seenigama and listening to the Beatles.

• The first few days of a developing crush. When text messages make you smile unknowingly. When smiles from the 'other' make the butterflies in your tummy seem as though they're on a Red Bull high. When the very innocent flirting takes centre stage in your life. When, all of a sudden, you love how your name sounds when he talks to you or calls you. When eye contact with him keeps you wide awake at night, still thinking about it. When you are aware that the attraction is mutual but silence and exchange of shy smiles is all you need.

• Paying extra close attention to the tortoises and their antics.

• Cream crackers with ice cold strawberry jam. Fresh out of Nanna's fridge.

• Those occasional moments when inspiration hits you hard and you're frantically typing down thoughts into your phone. Almost giddy with excitement and scared that the inspiration will perhaps fade away.

• Suddenly waking up in the middle of the night, hungry and in desperate need of comfort food. Usually taken care of by shifting feet downstairs temporarily for warm soupy noodles or a mug of chocolate icecream sprinkled with Milo powder. Mama always finds this activity of mine rather strange.

• That awesome time of year when your school besties come down for vacation and you can spend hours catching up on school gossip, boys, life and that irresistible piece of chocolate fudge cake you had the last time vacation rolled around.

• Whipping out my camera and getting close-to-perfect shots of food.

just so you know

picture courtesy of Flickr

I hadn't remembered that I don't feel giddy or lightheaded any longer at the sight of you. Or that the word euphoria didn't make itself a constant presence in my mind's vocabulary. I will go through the tagged pictures without any feeling inside me. Cos yeah, that's how I feel about you. I'm guessing you wouldn't even stop to think how much you made me happy but I guess the 'happiness' wasn't really worth it.

The incessant text conversations make me go a little nostalgic and the important dates saved in my phone calendar do make me go a bit more nostalgic but that's it. Constant whiffs of the fragrance you so famously wore makes itself a regular presence in my life. Remember the day we went to the beach with our friends one Sunday evening? How we carelessly kicked back sand and held hands amidst the emotional waves and bright blue sky is still imprinted on my mind.

Just like those picture perfect postcards I used to collect back when I was younger. I'll miss your hugs and that flashing smile. And once how you quickly changed a song on the stereo system in your car just cos I casually mentioned that the song was my current favourite and also my ringtone.

But that's it. I hope you know now that you cease to exist in my not-so-perfect life.

Ward 47

Yesterday we visited Mama's uncle Penny Muda at the General Hospital. As we walked past the various male wards, we finally spotted his family and came to the bed where he sat. He was at the top right bed in Ward 47. Most of his family members had come to visit him during the regulated visiting hours and he appeared to be in high spirits. It was fun for him. Mama's other aunt and uncle came too and everyone joked and spoke to him. I chose to watch the other patients around me and I sort of regretted it almost immediately.

Several patients around us stared at our company and it was then that I realized that some of them were alone during visiting hours. No one had come to visit them. I caught them looking wistfully at where we stood.

There was the lonely man opposite from Penny Muda's bed. He was sitting right up in his bed and was observing everyone and everything around him. Another man languished on bed next to where we were standing. The entire right side of his face was swollen. He stared at the ceiling listlessly and shifted from side to side on bed. I saw the young man on the bed situated in the far bottom left of the room. Earlier, I saw him limping from the washroom and was assisted onto bed by his wife or girlfriend, I couldn't exactly tell. He seemed happy. He was young, sorta attractive and he probably had the best visitor see him. Smiling and holding hands with the girl next to him, he too lay on bed and didn't allow anything to distract him.

It was sweet watching that couple. The girl stroked his face and he truly appreciated her company. It's like they failed to let anyone else into their comfortable world. After watching them, I saw the other elderly man on a bed who had appeared to befriend another patient, most probably his own age. Again, I felt sorry for them because they had no one. No relative or friend to visit them during visiting hours. No one to come and provide them with a meal packed from home. Or help them put on their shirt buttons. Whilst walking away from the ward when visiting hours were over, I saw another elderly person who was talking to himself.

I left the hospital feeling dejected. What happened to those people? Who admitted them to the hospital in the first place? Did they get themselves admitted alone? Didn't a relative or a friend understand that the hospital can get pretty morbid and depressing most of the time? Didn't anyone care about their situation?

Why can't people be a bit more caring? I know this sounds super cliche but certain things do make an impact in this world and in peoples' lives. We may not think it does but it truly does make a huge difference.

Dedicated to all the people who haven't had a visitor at their hospital beds today.

Prams and yellow headbands.

This blog post is a little weird but I can't help it. I've always been recognized as the one person amongst my friends who hated (or disliked) kids of all sorts and sizes. I could never get along with any of them who came strolling my way.

Example #1 They'd always want my food which is something I just can't stand. But since I can't refuse the ogling eyes of the fifteen month old nephew in my cousin's arms, I think again.

Will my doughnut go to waste? Will the little monster actually finish the whole thing or just slather it with saliva?

Anyway, I reluctantly hand over the doughnut to my nephew with my mother sitting behind me, assuring that she'll buy me another chocolate filled one on our way home. And just like that, my fears come alive. The nephew just drools all over my doughnut. Full stop.

Example #2 They always want my phone. Or pull the headphones away from me when I'm busy listening to Queen on Nanna's couch. And when I try to pull it away from her pudgy little fist, the monster screams out so loud, it's as though I stripped her of her 'baby' title.

Example #3 The camera distracts them. Way too much. I can't STAND fingerprints on my beloved camera. So I am forced to show them the picture I just captured. And then roll my eyes when the adults around me go "So darling, who's the baby on the screen? Looks like some child I know but aney I don't know where he went."

GAG MOI. Seriously.

Those are my top three reasons for disliking kids around me. The list could go on. Digging through my handbag when I get up to go to the kitchen. Screwing up my eyeliner wand when I leave it unattended to answer the phone. Screaming their tiny lungs out as soon as they wake up from their deep slumber. But I can't help wondering sometimes. I see babies as fat as fat can be and their smiles do really light up the lives of their parents. I see babies bringing so much happiness into a single household, I wonder how they do it.

When I watch my cousins mothering their kids, I'm (sometimes) inrigued. The way they can't stand a single moment without their mother by their side. I find it rather annoying that my cousin/s can't even spare five minutes for a quick shower without my mom rushing to grab the little boy who's crying and yelling so loud, I am nearly tempted to yank all my hair out.

But it must mean something, right?

For them to have such love and affection for a parent. I wonder how that sort of love feels.

How it must feel to push out a baby and breathe relief that you finally did it. Once when I was very little (maybe nine), I asked my mom when was it that she felt great about herself. She replied saying that she felt as though she conquered the whole world when she gave birth to me. I found that kinda gross back at the time but now I think I understand what she meant.

I want one. A little one of the female variety. Someone I can dress up in little cotton yellow dresses and headbands on bald heads. Or put her in a pram and push her around supermarket aisles while shopping for my favourite foods (icecream, Pringles, Lemon Puff...). Even if I'm not married, I'd still want one. And NO, I'm not going to have one out of wedlock. Not that I'm strongly against the idea of people having children out of wedlock but I don't think I'd want to go against social and religious norms to do that.

I'd rather adopt. Yes, strange. But once when I was thirteen, I was watching this documentary on CNN which showed so MANY babies in orphanages all over China. Those babies looked so helpless and I felt awful. Most of their parents had given them up due to various reasons and so forth. I sorta made a promise to my immature thirteen year old self that someday I would travel to China and adopt one of those babies for myself. Make sure she'd feel loved and cared for. I'd like to do that someday so we'll see.

I'm nineteen-going-on-twenty and I'm still that immature kid. I can't handle simple responsibilities of folding dry clothes and cleaning my room which seems as though a tornado struck it. Let alone making a simple cup of coffee for my mom on a Sunday morning or trying to fry fries in the kitchen without it burning and getting cooking oil all over the cooker and wall. So how in living hell would I be physically capable of waking up every night to put a crying child to sleep. Or heat water for a bottle of milk. Or sterilize milk bottles to ensure the no-germ policy. Or even spend twenty four hours with a little human and devote all my attention to her. I'm very selfish. I like spending a lot of time on my own and making sure I get what I want in life.

But maybe it'll be a matter of time before I am ready to do all of those things. It'll take time. A long, long, LONG time but I'm sure it will happen someday.

Just something invading my comfort thoughts for a while.

This blog post is dedicated to my friend GG Purple whose recent blog post kinda got me thinking. It's like she woke the thoughts inside me. So thanks for that. :')

Quintessence of Spun Sugar

mint cookies and cream

chocolate praline crunch

Quintessence of Spun Sugar is located at #207/21, Dharmapala Mawatha, Colombo 07.

Batticaloa

sunset over Kallady Lake, Batticaloa.
December 2009

Butter Boutique

triple chocolate cupcake

cupcake with tiramisu filling

passion fruit cupcake

red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting

chocolate caramel cupcake

Special.

It's 12.57am and I still can't stop thinking about you.

The way you gently tugged at my hand just so we could run and dip our feet in the sea. I remember giving in and then getting my jeans wet when an exceptionally large wave hit us. The warm water on that Sunday evening felt great on my toes. The smell of salt in the air was so refreshing. I craved pineapple achcharu. And our laughter rang in our ears long after we got back home. I closed my eyes and felt the wind whipping at my face. Breathing it all in. Savoring everything like as though I would fight so hard to keep from forgetting that moment. I opened my eyes and turned towards you and laughed. I didn't know what I laughed for but it felt great.

And your smile haunted me even after I woke up the next morning.

And throughout the whole day too. No one figured out the reason behind my smile and I kept it a secret. My very own secret.

You were special.

maybe. maybe not.

Dear diary,

There are a million things I would like to do and get over with.

A million little things to shed some tears for.

A million little things to scream out loud.

A reason to feel alive and not vulnerable.

A reason to cry out whatever you're feeling deep down inside.

Let the tears out. Don't bottle them up. Never bottle them up.

A reason to understand your life better. To understand why some people have to be the way they are. Why some people have it easy and some don't. Why some people pretend to be alright when they really aren't coping up well.

And why some people aren't really what you thought they were.

Love, Sarah.

x

Wesak '10

Wesak in Colombo

You made me delirious.

So here I am reading what you surprised me with. Would you even know that I carry the book with a fierce grip, almost afraid that it would tear by itself or get lost on its own free will.

You wouldn't know that I miss your smile which pops into my head like flashing light when I least expect it.

Or the telephone conversations. Or even the way I incessantly blush to myself when reading your sweet and brutally honest text messages.

Did you get over me so fast? Or maybe you didn't.

Did you forget everything so quickly? Did you forget the times we spent together where we actually lost track of time?

I wouldn't know.

So do tell me.

Now you know why I had to let you go.

You know you've heard it..

People go 'Life is too short. You've got to live it.' I've heard that phrase on countless occasions and have rolled my eyes at its cliche-ness. But that's probably when I've been in moods of my own and not actually appreciated life despite its crazy ups, downs and rainbows. But since of late, I've realized that life itself is magic on its own. It doesn't always have to be the pair of designer shoes you have or what 5-star restaurant you dined at last week. Well, it could be those too but I've come to understand that joy in life comes at no cost. No cost whatsoever.

Finding pleasure to me comes with rainy days and spontaneous moments. Sri Lanka for the past two weeks or so has been plagued with thundershowers and such. I haven't complained a bit. Not even once. People complain when the weather is too hot and then they complain when the sun doesn't come out cos their washed clothes don't seem to be drying up. Trust me, I've heard that line tons of times. The truly great moments in life are the unplanned ones and maybe sometimes even the properly planned occasions.

I remember the time when it was nearing the end of February this year and a bunch of my friends just planned to visit Galle the next week. Not much planning went into the whole trip. We just knew we were going on Saturday afternoon and we were content with that idea. Thursday, someone decides we're going by bus and not by car/hired van. Even more excitement there. Come Friday night and everyone's in jitters with excitement. Unable to fall asleep, most of them are online just as I am coupled with the last minute packing. Saturday morning comes along and I find myself doing some more last minute packing. Throwing in my swimsuit into my trusty backpack and we're off to Fort to catch a bus to Galle.

We find a bus to suit our liking and get on it making as much noise as we want much to the annoyance of fellow passengers but that never does seem to get to us. Galle promised us everything we wanted. Unawatuna, the Fort and sleepless nights.

arrival in Galle. picture courtesy of Nandun Amaratunga

So there you go. One of the best times in my life this year. Galle 2010. A trip we wish which never had to end.

'Live for yourself - not for others, alive or dead.' -- excerpted from this little book at home.

100 days

Sandhya Eknaligoda

It is 1:09pm and I am standing in the sweltering Colombo heat. Positioned in front of the Fort Railway Station for a protest held to mark 100 days since the disappearance of journalist Prageeth Eknaligoda, several thoughts run through my mind. I watch Eknaligoda's wife Sandhya at the fore of the protest holding a placard and standing next to her two sons who are also holding a placard. A few minutes later and Sandhya speaks to journalists about her husband's disappearance. She quietly says that her children have no father and she has no husband. I note that she looks tired and worn out. The stress must be getting to her. It is heart-wrenching to watch her and her sons like this. They must feel hopeless. Eknaligoda's eldest son speaks to journalists after his mother finishes and he has a blank look on his face. Imagine what it must feel like to suddenly not have your father next to you? I left the protest feeling very very sad. Sure, Eknaligoda went missing 100 days ago but it is only when you see his family so distraught, you understand their plight. He was the sole breadwinner of his family. It must feel awful to not have your husband or father anymore.

anyone up for a cupcake?

frosted cupcakes courtesy of Mama

Buba

love builds up the broken wall

and straightens the crooked path

love keeps the stars in the firmament

and imposes rhythm on the ocean tides

and each of us is created of it

and I suspect

each of us was created for it.

- Maya Angelou

Paint me blue

Gavinda Bolonghe

Hikka Love

my favourite place in hikka: the roti shop

Mango Sunquick

I open the door to Nanna's bedroom and absorb in the musty but calming smell coupled with the familiar darkness and messy pile of clothes on the bed. It feels great to be back.

Walking in the wide hallway with its slightly cracked beige walls, I quickly make a mental note to jump on the couch when no adults are around. Perhaps beckon my sister and cousins to do the same. I can almost hear Maimoonah Datha saying "What if Nanna or Haffsa Aunty catches us jumping on the couch? We'll be in trouble then and we can't play hopscotch in the evening..."

But we do so anyway and jump off the couch when we hear footsteps coming from the kitchen towards the hallway. Phew! A second longer and we would've been caught.

Later in the afternoon, we sit on the floor and relish the melting chocolate ice cream in identical brightly coloured plastic dessert bowls that Haffsa Aunty has laid out just for us. Begging for another scoop of ice cream, we laugh aloud remembering the postman in the morning whom we had tried to pair up with Nanna. Knowing that our Nanna had been a widow for a long time now, we almost always tried to pair her up with any gentleman we thought suitable in our childish immature minds.

********************************************************

Tired and sweaty after several games of run-and-catchers, hopscotch and Blind Man's Buff, I shower and eat dinner while watching Sinhala teledramas with my aunt, Mom and Nanna. I know that Mama watches these television programmes with great delight as she is confined to just Oprah and Santa Barbara back home in Bangladesh.

As I lay in bed next to Nanna a couple hours later as is tradition every night when I'm on vacation here, I picture everything I did for the whole day with a smile on my ten year-old face. The aroma of Nanna's spicy cooking wafting in from the kitchen. The very kitchen to which we retreated to whenever we craved mango Sunquick, cream crackers with strawberry jam, achcharu made with ripe mangoes from the tree in the garden or Newdale strawberry yoghurt. And soon I drift off to sleep.

I quietly wake up at dawn to the sounds of Mama taking ablution in the bathroom, preparing herself to do her morning prayers. I look out the window and watch the fierce shade of violet in the sky and listen intently to the delicate chirps of birds outside. I smile to myself and feel a tingle go up my spine. It truly did feel great to be back!



This note is dedicated to all my dearest cousins and sister who played a gigantic role in my colourful childhood vacations to Sri Lanka which I always render as the best times in my life. As always, good things come to an end and the cousins hardly have any time to spend in the garden now because we are equipped with school, work, marriage, children and running a household. But we never forget what our childhood was based upon; with water balloons at every birthday with purple cakes and Elephant House Cream Soda.

Lipstick stain

Can you see my lipstick stain?

Bright red and scandalous. It spells my danger.
Can you see my lipstick stain? Right on a tissue with its curves and colour.

What I've come to realize

Skies will be grey and leaves will wither.

Hands on the clock will tick away unknowingly.

People will come and go, not noticing your despair.

Bright lights on trees

whilst crouched on all fours

location: Galleface Hotel

In Character

Melanie Bamunusinghe

Nabeela Hussain

together, they can be terrible

January

mama's birthday flowers

dusk

are we all really alone?

lost in a multitude of colours that matter no more

polka dots: they're never alike :D

reminiscent of childhood tales

10.33am

Tell me again why I sit at home on a lonely Wednesday morning and brood over life. Munching on freshly baked cookies for breakfast, I don't understand why I've been in this vortex for over a fortnight.

Maybe it's a phase I'm going through.

Maybe it isn't.

And maybe I need to move on with life and accept recent events for what they truly are.

To 16 year old me

Dear Karapoththa,

Yes yes. I know what you're thinking. The stupid nickname stuck even though you moved halfway across the world to New York for a mere two months and then moved back again here to good old Lanka and started fresh at a brand new school. Well guess what? News travels faster than lightning can. So I suggest you deal with it and sometimes when you really can't take up the teasing, whack those boys. With the books you carry in your hand whilst walking towards Literature class. Trust me, it's a great feeling.

And by the way, just stop brooding over why you felt like your sixteenth birthday sucked so much. Sure, it just magically had to collide with the stupid car and its accidents and your sister's French Day at school. But so what? There's going to be tons more of these sucky stuff in the near future and some of it may not even have to do with birthdays. Just thought I'd give you a heads up.

Could you try studying a bit more and figuring out what in Popcorn's name are you going to do with your future? Seriously. Your other friends have some clue as to what they want to do five years from now. Shouldn't you be on the same boat? I suggest you give journalism a try. You always DID want to become a writer, so maybe you'd do pretty great at it.

And while we're still on the same plane, I think you should give up wishful thinking for a while. You are NOT going to get a chance to stare into Zac Efron's eyes and he is so NOT going to kiss you. Even if this applies to your nighttime dreams only. A couple years from now, you aren't going to be fantasizing about him. Cos he isn't going to be that great to you. Uh huh, it's going to be that hottie from Gossip Girl.

Just thought you should know.

Love, nineteen year old me.

x